![]() ![]() Now you know how most of us felt after the 2004 presidential election. Lauren rolls her eyes and says, “This is our team captain.” Hey, you voted for her, dude. Lauren wonders what’s up Emily’s ass, but before she can find out, Emily literally jumps up and flees out of the room. Back in Lauren and Emily’s room, Emily engages in some visualization techniques, which segue into flashbacks of her various wipeouts. It’s like a less fun, less psychedelic Studio 54 in here. \ ~/\ ~/Ĭut to Kaylie and Payson’s room, where Payson monologues about her back problems and illegal cortisone shooting-upping. ![]() It just feels unnatural and kind of pathetic, like Jack Shephard trying to flirt with someone other than Kate. I don’t like when this show stops being ridiculous and tries to play it straight. Lauren does share some choice lines about Emily’s dollar store luggage and slumming it with Pizza Boy, but I dearly miss sociopathic pilot Lauren. But this pairing is surprisingly uneventful. Initially, I was overjoyed at the prospect of Emily and Lauren as roommates–hello, drama! Lauren would totally slip laxatives in Emily’s Gatorade or cast some voodoo spell on her as she sleeps. Kaylie flips shit over being placed with Lauren, so Emily ends up with Lauren instead. Meanwhile, the Rockettes arrive at the hotel, and Sasha reads off the room assignments. “The hell, you guys? I started out as a cutthroat bitch, and now all I do is hang around and make snarky remarks… I’m like season four Spike!” \ ~/\ ~/ An official asks her if she belongs here and she’s like “I guess we’ll find out.” Oooh, can I answer? I notice she’s still lugging around that dilapidated brown canvas bag from “Where’s Kaylie?” Heathus, couldn’t Joe at least spring for a proper gym bag? Like Valeri would let any of the Wogettes haul around that shmata. Oh hey, what’s that noise I hear? Is that a plot point being dropped on us? Payson’s father then pipes up in the guise of a reporter for the “Narnia Chronicle” (hurr hurr), and he and his daughter have a happy reunion.Įmily wanders into the empty arena and stands in the middle of the floor, gazing around her in trepidation. Don’t you know you’re supposed to make up some bullshit about how you and Kelly are great friends and the real competition is against yourself? Game Show guy then asks Kelly a few questions, and with a pointed look at Payson, Kelly declares she never takes drugs. Payson is refreshingly honest when she deadpans, “Being better.” Oh, Payson. Speaking of which, Game Show Guy is interviewing Payson, asking her the key to beating Kelly Parker at the Denver Invitational. \ ~/ Oh man, I really wish Joe McHale played Game Show guy. I’m half-expecting to hear a high-pitched voice giddily declaring, “It’s Kelly!” á la “It’s Miley!” on the Soup. He had no reason to do that (beyond being a plot device), so she should at least recognize that.Įmily’s phone reception drops out then, just in time for us to see Kelly Parker make her grand entrance. Look, I get Emily’s resentment for this Joe fellow given his history with Chloe, but he basically fronted the money to get her ass to this competition and to send her mother with her. \ ~/ Hey, can we have a show about Damon living at Pizza Shack? Emily tells Damon that Joe paid her and Chloe’s way, but complains that Joe didn’t also spring for Brian. That would actually be pretty amusing, like the movie about the dude who lives at an airport or the time Callie was living in the Seattle Grace basement on Grey’s. Is this guy ever at home? He must live at the Shack. Emily, who has defied her poverty and acquired a cell phone between “Where’s Kaylie?” and now (maybe Joe bought it for her?), dials Damon, who answers from Pizza Shack. Meanwhile, Emily stands off to the side glaring at all the reporters not giving a shit about her. Why do you think hardcore gym fans find it so delicious when gymnasts don’t know they’re being filmed? You get to hear Kerri Strug complaining about her beam and Carly Patterson giggling at her competitors eating mat. As long as I can remember, elite gymnasts really are pros at bullshitting to the camera. He asks Kaylie what it is and she rudely blows him off, prompting Pa Cruz to pull her aside and lecture her about not being Miss Congeniality. He digs through Kaylie’s bag and finds a water bottle, lip gloss, and Carter’s Necklace of Luv. This guy seriously reminds me of a game show host. “And if you guess the correct price of Kaylie’s gym bag contents, you win a new Land Rover and all-expenses-paid trip to Boulder!”Ī suit-clad guy starts interviewing Kaylie for a TV segment called “What’s in your gym bag?” In my mind I keep hearing those Capital One “What’s in your wallet?” commercials. ![]()
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